Funny Status Messages
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This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist German engineer who vapes organic decaffeinated compressed soy breast milk on the regular and a person who does Indian naked crossfit yoga 5 times per week. 
BREAKING NEWS From CNN .... This just in ..... Hillary Clinton just won this and the next Presidential debate by a LANDSLIDE!!! Hail Hillary. .... Wait What?
Hey ... Does it mean anything when you see an elderly woman hobbling out the back door of the Presidential Debate Stage door crying and screaming vulgarities and met with a limousine driven by Huma Abedin?
The star of this debate...the fly. 😂😂😂😂
so many disposable cameras
The "running man" may no longer be a trendy dance move, but it's a cool way to get out of a boring conversation
Trump should grab Hillary my the p***y and drag her off the stage...
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Seriously, some of your status updates makes me wonder. Maybe you just need to get laid. . .
I know what I am going to be for Halloween, I'm going to be drunk. . .
For Halloween I'm going to be emotionally stable, no one's gonna know its me.
The only thing more romantic than true love is getting hit by a train.
BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump
Listen, OK, this was way back in 2005. It was 11 years ago, back when I was just a young, childish, 59-year-old man.
Arnold Schwarzenegger To Donald Trump: You’re Fired. But wait, wasn't Arnold once accused of objectifying women some years ago?
You met her at church but she still could be Satan.
Add 'sexy' to anything and it instantly becomes a female Halloween costume.
Peoples whose sliding closet doors never come off their tracks, what do you do with the rest of your dark magic?
Yes, the rumor is true. I did poop my pants while running home from the neighbor's house when I was 5.
Quit telling everyone how much you love Fall, you psychopath.
If you're walking around the house talking to yourself, it's okay if your dog is listening. 