Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A good way to revoke an endorsement of Donald Trump is to grab it and take it from him without his consent.

   After this we should all invade Mexico and vote for Justin Bieber. See how they like that.

   You really cant blame Bill for cheating... The only thing I want to stick in Hillary is the claw end of a hammer.

   Hey Democrats, dont let a little Puzzy scare you. If youre not grabbing your womans....Someone else is.

   Hillary is kickin her own ass now. Bin Laden was one of her biggest donors

   "Vote for Donald Trump or face nuclear war" - RUSSIA

   "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there

   Hillary Clinton gave Putin's Russia 20% of America's uranium and 9 investors in the deal funneled $145 million to Hillary's foundation.

   State Department informed hillary about the email investigation so she could destroy any evidence. She trained and gave weapons to a ISIL to go fight in syria. She thinks Gays are unnatural dirty and nasty. Gay marriage is acceptable to keep their vote

   I think I promised to have three beers, and be home by ten. I always get those two mixed up.

   America’s policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall. I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

   And all this time I thought Ariana Grande was a new coffee at Starbucks.

   What's the appropriate snack for watching the series finale of America? Heck, it did have a good 240 year run.

   Siri, how much would I weigh if I had one of those machines from Star Trek that made food appear out of thin air?

   Hello darkness my old friend, shall we spoon?

   Remember when Saturday morning TV was all great cartoons? Now it's just porn. That might just be my TV, tho.

   It's only Wednesday morning and I've already had to have the "You will not become the bird lady from Mary Poppins" talk in the mirror.

   Spends 2 hours rescuing a baby squirrel during a hurricane but is always too tired to make her own burritos.

   I want to reincarnated as a seagull that flies around theme parks, stealing churros that are absentmindedly being held by toddlers.

   The only reason I haven't taken a rifle up into a clock tower is the stairs.