Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1115 of 6384
Ryan Lochte is now claiming he was chased by Usain Bolt but managed to get away.
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08-19-2016 15:11
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I didn't even know I liked water polo until I saw the women's uniforms. :P
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08-19-2016 15:09
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If someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
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08-19-2016 06:21
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I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
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08-19-2016 06:20
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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
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08-19-2016 06:18
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Ryan Lochte and his teammates lied about being robbed in Rio, but let’s see how much damage will be done to their careers.
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08-19-2016 00:10
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All I want is someone to hug me with the same loving ferocity that Danny Trejo hugged Carmen and Juni with in Spy Kids
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08-18-2016 23:40
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You know you're a dude when at least once you've been in the shower and used your washcloth to clean your shower tiles.
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08-18-2016 23:39
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I'd imagine Ryan Lochte's next move will be the backstroke.
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08-18-2016 23:37
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Ryan Lochte is now claiming he was robbed at gunpoint by Brian Williams.
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08-18-2016 23:36
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My dog spins around 3 times before he pees. From the looks of it, someone in that public restroom must've been doing the same thing.
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08-18-2016 23:35
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As if I needed anything else to stress about now I have to worry about kids getting high on something called flakka and chewing my face off.
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08-18-2016 23:22
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I drink so much hazelnut creamer that I would think coffee-mate would want to acknowledge me somehow.
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08-18-2016 23:21
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I'm not one to brag but....when I perspire, I release a gentle odor of Doritos and bacon.
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08-18-2016 23:19
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Looks like Hillary's going to steal the election by using the oldest trick in the book. By getting millions more votes than her opponent.
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08-18-2016 23:17
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It must be a great offer since the Prince of Nigeria took the time to write me personally today.
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08-18-2016 23:16
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Early to bed, Early to rise, Makes a man healthy, wealthy and without any friends with good after-hours stories.
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08-18-2016 23:14
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"From Russia with Love." -Donald Trump's New Campaign Slogan
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08-18-2016 23:13
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I can't believe Rudy Giuliani forgot about 9/11 considering it's also his credit card pin.
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08-18-2016 23:12
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Rudy Giuliani blames Obama for the Pokemon outbreak and need for Pokemon-Go, "Before Obama there were no Pokemon running around our cities."
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08-18-2016 23:10
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