Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1114 of 6384
Ryan Lochte now claims Colin Powell suggested he lie about being robbed at gunpoint.
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08-20-2016 20:45
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The only positive to attending a school recital is being able to fall asleep knowing your partner can't yell at you....
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08-20-2016 20:44
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Ironically, this is probably the first time Melania has seen him nude.
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08-20-2016 20:43
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SPORTS FACT: The Olympics takes place every four years because it lasts four years.
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08-20-2016 20:43
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Female mannequins create unrealistic portrayals of women....mostly because the mannequins don't talk.
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08-20-2016 20:42
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Uber has announced that their first self-driving cars will hit the streets within weeks. Nice of them to give us a running start.
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08-20-2016 20:40
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I don't blame the US Olympic swimmers. Every time I vandalize a gas station bathroom, I always use the "I was robbed by a Brazilian" excuse.
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08-20-2016 20:40
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Breaking news!!!! US Airforce seen dropping naked Trump statues onto an ISIS Stronghold In Northern Syria!!!!!
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08-20-2016 20:38 by Corey c
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My girlfriend asked me to make her feel special, so I bought her a coloring book and crayons .
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08-20-2016 17:34
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Its funny how no one is bringing up the fat lazy Americans...probably because we are stomping the world at the Olympics AGAIN.....
Pro tip: No matter how many times your baby asks, don't give them Indian food...
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08-20-2016 11:15
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I credit my dad for my sense of humor..... Oh,. She's funny, too?.......... Ummm,,No......
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08-20-2016 10:19 by Snotty
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Few things are more disconcerting than a damp hand towel.
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08-20-2016 10:16 by Snotty
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Gone with the Wind in 60 Seconds #2FilmsBecome1
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08-20-2016 08:49 by Snotty
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FYI: A swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild- save for the seldom-seen penfish,,, which is said to "talk alot of smack",, be even mightier than they are.
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08-20-2016 08:46 by Snotty
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If you hate Trump now, think how much you'll like him if Hillary get elected.
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08-20-2016 08:37
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I've time traveled almost an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating too much pizza, but every time,, future me just joins past me in eating it*
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08-20-2016 07:14 by Snotty
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I feel sorry for the robbers who were wrongfully accused by Ryan Lochte. #justiceforharambe
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08-20-2016 05:33
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I know 5 people who are clinically insane , I'm 2 of them
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08-19-2016 21:31
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There was no robbery in Rio??? What do you call $10,800 in restitution for a broken bathroom door and a sign of a sandwich?