Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1114 of 6446

I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
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10-18-2016 11:15
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Social Media is a cruel and shallow disingenuous trench, a long cyber hallway where lies and anger run free, and good people are treated like dogs. There's also a negative side.
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10-18-2016 10:15 by Fazzella
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Women keep saying they aren't looking for casual sex. That's no problem. I'll wear a coat and tie. Or even a tux if they want.
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10-18-2016 08:14
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Chicken Pot Pie.. Three of my favorite things š
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10-18-2016 03:02 by @DJPhatJ
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Melania confirms in CNN interview that she is very angry at Moose and Squirrel.
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10-18-2016 01:47
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"Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates' debate. Laugh about it, shout about it When you've got to choose Every way you look at this you lose" - Simon and Garfunkel (1968)
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10-17-2016 19:06
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My wifeās leaving me as Iām too controlling. Itās ok though, Iām not letting her.

Facebook, making people who wouldānt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.

Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.

If a woman says sheās wrong, is she still wrong?

Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead.

I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriendās knickers today. I didnāt have the heart to tell him Iāve been wearing them all week.

Pot Roast. Two of my favorite things.
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10-17-2016 10:16 by Fazzella
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...... In the end ..... without even a fight .... A once great Nation .... Was gone. History in the making. Vote wisely folks.
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10-16-2016 22:29
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Donald Trump accuses Hilary Clinton of taking performance enhancing drugs for their last debate. Some jokes just write themselves. lol
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10-16-2016 03:02
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This joke is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it sucks.
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10-15-2016 21:45
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If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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10-15-2016 21:44
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hate songs that ask you questions like seriously I have no idea what I'm gonna do after the boys of summer are gone.
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10-15-2016 21:43
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The problem with my new job is that I like all my coworkers which gives me a lot less tweet material than my last few jobs.
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10-15-2016 21:42
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Amazing how much sex you don't get when you wear a denim shirt.
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10-15-2016 21:41
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