Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Social Media is a cruel and shallow disingenuous trench, a long cyber hallway where lies and anger run free, and good people are treated like dogs. There's also a negative side.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 10:15 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women keep saying they aren't looking for casual sex. That's no problem. I'll wear a coat and tie. Or even a tux if they want.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicken Pot Pie.. Three of my favorite things 😁
←Rate | 10-18-2016 03:02 by @DJPhatJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Melania confirms in CNN interview that she is very angry at Moose and Squirrel.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates' debate. Laugh about it, shout about it When you've got to choose Every way you look at this you lose" - Simon and Garfunkel (1968)
←Rate | 10-17-2016 19:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife’s leaving me as I’m too controlling. It’s ok though, I’m not letting her.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman says she’s wrong, is she still wrong?
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:13 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:13 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriend’s knickers today. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve been wearing them all week.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 11:11 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pot Roast. Two of my favorite things.
←Rate | 10-17-2016 10:16 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...... In the end ..... without even a fight .... A once great Nation .... Was gone. History in the making. Vote wisely folks.
←Rate | 10-16-2016 22:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump accuses Hilary Clinton of taking performance enhancing drugs for their last debate. Some jokes just write themselves. lol
←Rate | 10-16-2016 03:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This joke is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it sucks.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 21:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 21:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hate songs that ask you questions like seriously I have no idea what I'm gonna do after the boys of summer are gone.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 21:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with my new job is that I like all my coworkers which gives me a lot less tweet material than my last few jobs.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 21:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazing how much sex you don't get when you wear a denim shirt.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 21:41 Comments (0)  




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