Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids nextdoor challenged me to a water balloon fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for mine to come out of the freezer..

   Wikileaks just released El Chapo's Email too

   Wikileaks should be ashamed of itself for illegally releasing Hillary's illegal activities.

   Hillary bumped into Trump on the way to the White House and she said "Pardon me"...He Replied, "You want another Pardon?"

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   b votin fo hillary dog. o we gon lose woopie yall

   That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to tough it out because Mama didn't raise a quitter....

   My dream car would be a food truck.

   Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance

   Password security questions allow me to relive all of my childhood traumas. "Who stood you up for Senior Prom and how did your first dog die?"

   A buddy of mine is making a documentary about white trash, not sure if it's any good, I've only seen the trailer

   Your significance or importance on this planet must never be determined by another human being other than you.

   Some people are only lovable online and should never be met in real life.

   "My vote is for sale. Anyone want to one up Madonna? I'm taking offers..."

   Yup ...... The best part of Wednesdays Presidential Debate was watching Hillary Clinton constantly looking down to read her illegal teleprompter built into her lectern.

   Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!

   It's not the people who vote that counts, it's the people who count the votes!

   Broke me would like to thank the rich me that had the foresight to stock enough beer that I am now drinking.

   "America Online founder Steve Case actually endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. However, I Bet the last thing Hillary Clinton wants to hear right now is ........ "You've got mail."

   The US Treasury is already talking about putting Hillary's face on the American $20 bill. Question: Wouldn't it be much more fitting that her likeness be put on the $3 Bill?