Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I used to roll out of bed asleep a lot until I found Viagra
←Rate | 10-23-2016 18:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.
←Rate | 10-23-2016 13:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, If the media doesn't cover Hillary Clinton's emails because they say they are Private Conversations, Do they believe Donald Trump consented to have his conversations recorded and saved for future use by NBC? Just wondering.
←Rate | 10-23-2016 01:32 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you are a true Democrat, you must first ignore ALL of Hillary Clinton's lies, Corruption and Scandals ... THEN ... Go vote for her because of your perception of .... What the "Good" of the country is.
←Rate | 10-23-2016 01:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Juice Bar]...... (Wildebeest disguised as man): 36 shots of wheat grass.... (Lion disguised as Bartender): Follow me out back "sir"..... *hyenas laugh*
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bar waitress: "ANYONE KNOW CPR?!"... Me: "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"... Then everyone laughed & laughed. Well, except that one guy.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 19:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable
←Rate | 10-22-2016 19:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fast Food was never intended to sustain a person indefinitely ..... Neither were Fast Food Jobs ....
←Rate | 10-22-2016 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump's 2nd season "Im a winner" will be airing on 2020.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 18:44 by Jonathan Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Donald Trump is the greatest!" I am Hillary Clinton and I approve this message.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 17:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The somke detector is not a timer...
←Rate | 10-22-2016 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found out my father is voting for Hillary, which is strange since he died in 2004
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most used electrical appliance in the wife’s kitchen is the smoke alarm.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘Yes. What kind of font is this?’
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:09 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I work as a waiter. The pay isn’t great but I put food on the table.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:09 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's time to start being mean to all the kids in the neighborhood again. I usually net at least a year supply of toilet paper on Halloween night.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 10:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandfather is voting for Hillary.I'd try to talk him out of it but he's been dead for a long time now....
←Rate | 10-22-2016 04:00 Comments (0)  




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