Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1109 of 6384
Ryan Lochte joins latest "Dancing with the Stars" cast, claims Tom Bergeron robbed him at gunpoint.
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08-26-2016 15:20
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Ryan Lochte will be teaching swimming lessons at the community pool starting next week.
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08-26-2016 15:17
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In Yugoslavia. In Yugoslavia, you never starve.. Great stones song man ...
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08-26-2016 15:06
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Q: Is there intelligent life form on planet Earth? A: Only in a few areas.
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08-26-2016 00:37
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It was a toss up tonight between turning on the nightly news or migrating to Singapore to get an Organ illegally harvested.
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08-25-2016 20:52 by Corey c
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I wonder, when the citizens of Russia are filling out their Census form, do they put under Occupation “Chechnya”?
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08-25-2016 20:12
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Parenting is 25% aggravation,,, and 90% being confused by their math homework.
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08-25-2016 15:20 by Snotty
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Q: How do you think the unthinkable? A: With an itheberg.
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08-25-2016 13:08
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Kinda ironic that none of the judges on America's Got Talent are from America...
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08-25-2016 13:04
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If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this wayPro tip #27: if Suge Knight is at the party you're at, go to another party.
I'm just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
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08-25-2016 07:59
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[high school] Teacher: do you have your homework? Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night
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08-25-2016 07:37
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I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.
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08-25-2016 06:50
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I'm so tired,,, United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
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08-24-2016 20:30 by Snotty
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I wrote you a little song. It's called, "Stop including me in group texts or I'm going to cut you."
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08-24-2016 19:46 by Snotty
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My life is like a sitcom, but without the witty one-liners, quirky friends, hilarious situations or laugh track.
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08-24-2016 19:29
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Having 50 girlfriends isn't swag. Having 1 girlfriend and 49 chasing you is...
Heres an idea band-aid people: Clear band-aids so you dont have to keep taking them off to show people your cuts.
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08-24-2016 16:38
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.... Enjoying music is like eating candy .... The first thing you do is get rid of the Rapper ....
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08-24-2016 15:14
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