Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If someone has to lie, cheat and steal to get your vote, they're not the leader you're looking for.

   When people dressed like witches, strippers and hobos show up at my front door it must be Halloween because my family reunion was in July.

   " I have known @nthony Weiner for a long long time and consider him a very good friend, His sudden impending suspicious suicide will take a serious toll on all of us." ----- Hillary Clinton

   HA ... According to the Democr@ts and the DNC those so called "Russian Hackers" were much better than we thought!! Apparently they were actually able to hack Hillary's emails from the NSA, Put them on Huma's laptop and then pin it on Mr. Weiner.

   Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand that includes a threat of vandalism.

   The Flubs. 109 and counting

   To all of you Hill@ry supporters out there ..... It might be important to note that Wikileaks has NEVER had to retract even a single story for False Information ..... Period. In short ... They are all true.

   I'm so happy these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water. That’s roughly how many times I need to flush.

   HA .... The US Attorney General Lynch aka "America's Chief Law Enforcement Officer" ..... Is Pleading the Fifth to avoid disclosing information that may incriminate her ..... Just think about that one for a moment!!!

   Walmart Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?... Me: Well, I couldn't find-..... Cashier: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don't actually care.

   Number of Federal Investigations of corruption, collusion, and Illegal use of Confidential Government Information against Trump - 0 ...... Number of FBI investigations against Hillary for the same - 1 .... Seems like an easy choice to me...

   Happy Halloweiner Hillary and Huma

   Got invited to 4 different Halloween parties how am I going to go to all of them you ask?? Easy.... I'm going as Hillary Clinton's emails...that way you won't find me

   To ALL Hillary supporters: You 3 should be ashamed of yourselves

   9 more days till the beginning of the end.

   Number of times Trump has been under Federal investigation: 169, Hillary - 1. Seems like an easy choice to me...

   Spinal Tap: When you're lying in bed facing away from your partner and you feel two taps on your back; the universal signal for, "wanna?"

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of wine stained blank pages.

   Got a box from amazon with a Hitachi, three kittens, a bottle of whiskey, some xanax, and apartment keys. The card said, "Happy Divorce"

   At some point you just have to ask yourself if you would hire someone under investigation by the FBI?