Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1066 of 6446

   messageicon If you're genuinely surprised that a successful political outsider won the Presidency instead of the corrupt Politician in the pantsuit, Please sit down .... There's something important I need to tell you about Santa Claus .....
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa is really going to enjoy the cookies he gets from Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon and Washington this year.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is not and will NEVER be my President!!!!! ...... I'm from Guatemala
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad said to my mom, "I'm done with you, I'm going to date this pillow. I'm naming it Sophia!" My mom says, "You could do better." My dad says, "Stop it you don't even know her!" My mom goes, "I was talking to Sophia."
←Rate | 12-02-2016 10:33 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the folks who are "scared" about having a strange new President on January 20th, Relax -There's a reason Obama was called the 44th President, Because the one after will be the 45th! This is nothing new for Pete' Sake!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would Americans burn the flag when they could burn calories?
←Rate | 12-01-2016 20:43 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon TAMPAX has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel ....... This is for the Christmas period only!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided not to say "Happy Holidays" this Christmas Season .... I am going to go totally rogue and badass and say .... "Merry Christmas" ... instead!! .... Hope I don't ruin anybody's Christmas.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if Unemployment will be sending me a Christmas bonus this year.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy's if you want to do your own thing in the upcoming new year, get your wife/girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue for christmas.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 13:35 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's really pissed that I beat him to it. Heck, I'm not stupid .... I put mine up three years ago!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking the horn.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad used to always tell me that ..... "A little work never hurt anybody!" ... I really took his advice seriously. So I try to do as little work as possible.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm waiting for the bus I hat it when someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" ...... Hey dummy .... If the bus came, would I still be standing here???
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say that ... "life is short" ..... . What the heck??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! ..... What can you do that's longer?
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:46 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Went To The Library To Get A "Wheres Waldo" Book, But When I Got There I Couldn't Find It ...... Well Played, Waldo ... . Well Played.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So .... accidently cut in front of a dwarf today who screamed he was NOT happy. I yelled back: "Well then, which one are you?"
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:39 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left