Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A buddy of mine is making a documentary about white trash, not sure if it's any good, I've only seen the trailer

   Your significance or importance on this planet must never be determined by another human being other than you.

   Some people are only lovable online and should never be met in real life.

   "My vote is for sale. Anyone want to one up Madonna? I'm taking offers..."

   Yup ...... The best part of Wednesdays Presidential Debate was watching Hillary Clinton constantly looking down to read her illegal teleprompter built into her lectern.

   Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!

   It's not the people who vote that counts, it's the people who count the votes!

   Broke me would like to thank the rich me that had the foresight to stock enough beer that I am now drinking.

   "America Online founder Steve Case actually endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. However, I Bet the last thing Hillary Clinton wants to hear right now is ........ "You've got mail."

   The US Treasury is already talking about putting Hillary's face on the American $20 bill. Question: Wouldn't it be much more fitting that her likeness be put on the $3 Bill?

   FACT CHECK: Hillary Said 90% of Clinton Foundation Donations go to Charity. Actual Number? ONLY 5.7% goes towards actually helping people.

   People are so concerned about having to wait to see if Trump will want a recount, but are completely forgetting Bernie's and Gore's recounts. Hillary even started the Obama "birther" movement to end his legitimacy. #hypocrites

   To anyone moving to Canada when Trump is elected President. Can I have first dibs on what you're not taking with you, thanks. . .

   Who won the third Presidential Debate? Well that's easy, anyone who didn't watch it.

   After she loses the presidency, maybe on Hillary's next trip to the Middle East someone there will chop her head off. . .

   Hillary is so evil it's stupid and Donald is so stupid it's evil.

   Stop comparing rap lyrics to what Trump said. Now I feel like I can't enjoy 2 Live Crew's music until I know their stance on global warming.

   Hillary's power suit was white ... but you can't call it a white power suit.

   Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"

   Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.