Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dammit .... I already broke my New Years Resolution

   I'm feeling nostalgic. I remembered 2016 like it was yesterday

   Sheldon Cooper has scored more than Ohio State did last night

   The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.

   I hated hand-me-down clothing growing up ............. I had two older sisters

   If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year. . .

   my new years resolution is 1680 x 1050

   I just found my old Boom Box up in the attic. Anyone have 56 D-size batteries I can borrow?

   Another celebrity just died this year....RIP Ronda Rousa Boxing Career

   The Cleveland Browns have more wins in 2016 than Ronda Rousey

   I'm compiling my 2018 resolutions now, just because I know I can procrastinate some times..

   2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.

   Ladies, I'm renting myself out tonight, who needs a New Years Eve Date. . .

   After 30 years of shopping, my wife still has nothing to wear today.

   I was telling my wife how my New Years resolution is to try and be a happier person. “That’s lovely” she said, giving me a hug. “I’m glad you think so” I replied. “Your bag’s by the front door”.

   My New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.

   For my New Year’s Resolution, I have decided to only smoke after sex. If 2016 is anything to go by, I’ve quit.

   I hope you all have a prosperous New Year … I may have to borrow money.

   I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

   My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.