Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why would anyone in the United States oppose an actual investigation into Voter Fraud? As William Shakespear once wrote .... "Methinks thou dost protesteth too much!"

   President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.

   America what is wrong with you?

   Irony is their king is the biggest snowflake of all!

   How soon can we start building a wall around California?

   What's the difference between a druggist and a drug dealer? One sells drugs LEGALLY. What's the difference between an immigrant who came to the US lawfully, and one who snuck in? One's here LEGALLY. See?

   I took my ex out last night, it only took one punch! :)

   Anyone ever notice the pro abortion crowd looks like they never "get any" in the first place?

   Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.

   Pay no attention to anything I say when I'm drunk..or sober..or any other time.

   What's with all the lame Obama jokes now? He's not been President for over a week. He's gone.....

   You know what they say, once ya go black ..... you become a single parent

   You can always count on me to feel you up when you're feeling down

   If you say "I shouldn't be telling you this" at the beginning of a conversation people will pay attention to you.

   There are as many white rappers as there are black country singers and for the same reason .

   Have you ever been to Columbia ? 2 biggest exports are coffee and cocaine.. and the place still looks like crap. You're gonna be up all night anyways, pick up a broom once in a while.

   Obozo is no longer President. President TRUMP

   That women's march looked like a 200,000 bagger...

   Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.

   This country needed a good weeding out. And Trump is the one who brought the weed whacker.