Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm excited for this season's finale of America

   Who needs television when there is so much drama election on Facebook.

   Wednesday I will have 50% less friends on Facebook.. let's see who makes the cut

   Question: "How many clowns does it take to elect a crappy President?" Answer: "We'll Find out on Tuesday!!!!"

   I can't believe so many Americans from the Bible Belt plan to vote for Trump. If he gets to build his wall, he'll be keeping Jesus out of the country.

   I've only drank once since I quit drinking an hour ago

   Polls are good for three things, skiing, fishing and strippers.

   With this election it is easier to scream at the enemy than it is to own your embarrassment

   voting this year is like picking out what STD do you want!!!!!!! you know is going to burn!

   This year, they should give out Xanax with the 'I voted' sticker.

   R.I.P. Janet Reno. But at least she'll still be voting for Hillary.

   If Hillary wins, all public government announcements will begin with: Ladies, Gentlemen and Trannies....

   No, she is a good woman. However, I don't agree with everything Hillary Clinton stands for or everything she says. Not everything... Not me personally no. -Janet Reno

   NASA reports surging applications for astronaut training programs proves trending interest in space exploration. That or maybe more interest in leaving the planet after this lame election...

   After tomorrow we'll no longer be hating folks because of their candidate. We can go back hating them for how they eat, or what movie they like

   We all knew the first woman president would have to crawl through hell to get there. This is just what hell looks like.

   I really hope Hillary starts her acceptance speech with "AM I SMILING ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW?"

   The bouncers at all the bars in my town call me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone..

   Due to the election I may start a moving co.

   As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life.