Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I talked to myself because I need expert advice.

   If you really hate Trump, vote in four years otherwise shut up for now.....

   Try this yourself. If you take two fingers and push your cat's ears down he will look just like Yoda.

   What does "prices too low to advertise" mean? Are they afraid if they advertise the price that too many people will want to buy it?

   You can eat pizza every single day & still lose weight....Alternative fact.

   If you want to get a bead on how cuckoo women are, just look at your fb newsfeed.

   Majority of guys mocking the women march are 30-year old virgins who still live in their mum's basement. Most of them will be m asturbating on Valentine's Day and have never seen a live v agina in their pathetic lives.

   I wish people would stop saying the husbands of the women who marched didn't get a sandwich that day. Have you seen those women? No way any of them have a husband.

   I went out clubbing lat night. I got 12 baby seals; a new personal record.

   NY and California have he highest number of inbred marriages and incest. So I would say ALOT.

   What do President Trump and Tony the Tiger have in common? They're both orange and make things GREEAAT!

   Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor

   Trump has chosen Mickey pence as his vice-president. Did anyone in their wildest dreams even imagine that Donald and Mickey would run America one day!? Walt Disney would be proud of this!

   Too F#CKED up how much of the population has been dumb down to march for rights you already have ! ! !

   people with children should be allowed to do things while hiding from their children because children are mini terrorists.

   I'm writing this post from the Emergency Room, nothing to worry about. Just turns out my new Dyson Ball Cleaner isn't what I thought it was.

   Fun new drinking game for parents: Take a shot every time your child screams. Hahaha... Just kidding! Don't do this. You'll die.

   Noticed the guy in front of me making a right turn into a cemetery. Tried shouting at him that it's a dead end, but he wouldn't listen...

   The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary

   South Americans. They gave the world coffee and tomatoes. It was all downhill from there.