Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now Falcons fans feel like Hillary supporters felt like on election night

   If I wanted a comeback from Brady I would have scraped the back of his throat

   When I die I want the Falcons to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time

   Houston we have a ball game

   It's not that easy to not think about Donny all day. I mean you too would be constantly worried if you left a loony in charge of your house and kids.

   Lady Gaga covered more field than the Patriot

   Sure, Lady Gaga just put on an amazing show, but she's no 3 Doors Down.

   Lady gaga had more yards in the air than Tom Brady.

   Thanks to the Super Bowl, I use Roman Numeral's at least once a year. Still more than I use algebra.

   I'm a Twinkie in a Dingdong world !

   Do people literally just sit there and think about Trump ALL DAY long? My lord people. Watch Netflix, go outside, go to work, eat an apple, have sex, call a friend, do laundry, smoke pot, buy a truck, plan a trip, rob an old lady, cook jello, use a port a

   Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals......

   Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.

   I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.

   Trump really trying to take credit for Obama's 227,000 added jobs in January? Smh.....

   Damn girl, are we in a bad western? 'Cause I wanna have an hour long showdown with you that would only take 5 minutes in real life.

   I'm rubber you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Ma'am, that's not how speeding tickets work.

   I come from a long line of men who will happily answer to a name that is not their own, which may or may not sound vaguely similar to it.

   It's like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"

   Not very happy with my new microphone but I'll hang on to it in case I ever want to make a video that sounds like I'm at the bottom of a well shouting into an empty beer can.