Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I'm so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note. "Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us." 
a president with sex tapes...gee, I'm glad we didn't put a Clinton in office again
Devin Nunes wants a closed interview of all the top microwave manufacturers.
Donald Trump and I have managed to get the same number of bills through congress.
It sucks when a bunch of rich white guys don't get the improvements to their health care plan at the expense of women and the poor like they have been promised.
I just saw the video of Trump and the Russian ladies. It isn't as bad as it seems. Trump got stung by a jellyfish, and that is why they were peeing on him.
This isn't over. The GOP will unveil its Putincare plan, just as soon as the Trump Administration gets the green light from the Kremlin.
Eating pork chops with mohammad
If Hillary won we would be under Sharia law. Bacon would be outlawed
"A health care deal, his mouth, and his ties to Russia" - What are three things Donald Trump can't close?
Obama claimed he was the one to bring the races together... Hows that working for ya BLM?
At least I can sleep at night knowing the best person won the election.
Went to buy a pack of smokes and this lady behind me says "you should really quit smoking".i said I know but I'm worried if I quit smoking I might start murdering. That shut her up pretty quick.lol
Why would you schedule a vote on a bill that is at 17% approval? Have we forgotten everything Reagan taught us?
You Matter!.... until you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared. Then you Energy!
TOO bad we dont still have Obama as president... I'm sure a certain religon wants an apology for not having alot more people on the Westminster bridge
Too bad the Russians couldn't influence the vote in the House today. Trump might have a chance to win if they could.
"Judge me by what I say, not what I do" - the Art of the No Deal.
In fairness to Trump, he thinks "vindicated" is a euphemism for getting peed on by a hooker.
Does back-pedalling burn a lot of calories. If so, Trump and Spicer will have six pack abs by the end of today. 