Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the bad guy for tripping him?
←Rate | 03-05-2017 14:19 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may be crazy, but I'm not, "Of course I'd lease an office in the new One World Trade Center" crazy.
←Rate | 03-05-2017 12:39 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every knows a person that acts like a loser even when they win. Well
←Rate | 03-05-2017 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 22:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump just blame Obama for wire-tapping his phone. My phone just got tapped too, I blame Trump.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of coffee.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 18:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I die while I'm in an elevator I hope its while I'm going up not down
←Rate | 03-04-2017 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy I’ve been paying to pick up sh*t in my backyard just realized that I don’t own a dog .
←Rate | 03-04-2017 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who replace bread ties.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 07:51 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon March 4th, the only day of the year that actually tells you to go do something.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 07:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Negative People irks my nerves.. worry about yourself... maybe you're not getting promoted cuz you so negative!!!!
←Rate | 03-04-2017 00:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on I will only accept apologies in cash......
←Rate | 03-04-2017 00:33 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a man at the beach yelling ”help shark help” I just laughed I know that shark wasn't going to help him...
←Rate | 03-04-2017 00:33 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to moving to Russia if Hillary won the election. . .
←Rate | 03-03-2017 23:47 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 19:38 by barber Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 18:52 by Dale Burke Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicks with nice b( . )( . )bs always seem to say the right things.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you imagine the outrage if Obama had refused to share his taxes with the people?
←Rate | 03-03-2017 12:20 Comments (14)  


   messageicon Just remember when you vote that they care more about party than country.
←Rate | 03-03-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax America. The Russians have now confirmed there was nothing going on between them and the White House. What more do you need?
←Rate | 03-03-2017 10:54 Comments (0)  




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