Markf Funny Status Messages

   Almond milk? I didn't even know almonds had nipples.

   We need a montage of dads trying to order for the whole family in drive-thrus

   Laugh now, but one day you will be so mad when another car cuts you off and you shake your fist out the window at some robot driver

   I have learned to protect myself against identity theft by keeping a low credit score and no money.

   Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.

   One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head

   I just got a gig as lead singer for my car.

   If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"

   I wonder if Batman ever looks up in the night sky at the Bat Signal and says, I told him to just text me.

   The grocery store in my neighborhood needs to repaint the parking lot near the door to show where the "Just Lazy" parking is.