FLUFF!! Funny Status Messages

   I just had ice cream WITHOUT sprinkles ... OMG diets sure are hard!!

   If I had a dollar for eveytime I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream

   Not one person asked me how much faster I can run in my new shoes. Being an adult is f'n dumb!!

   if I had 10 cookies, and you took half, what would you have? ... THAT'S RIGHT!! A black eye and a broken hand!!!

   WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday!

   WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.

   EXERCISE?? Shoot, I thought you said EXTRA PIES!!!

   It's much better to wake up and go pee than to go pee and wake up

   You'd think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I've been drinking.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.