kman Funny Status Messages

   After ten years in therapy, my psychologist told me something very touching, he said, “no hablo ingles.

   I didn't practice abstinence, I perfected it.

   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

   "This is your brain." I've seen a lot of weird stuff on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at an egg and thought it was a brain.

   A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers

   Many people are not smart enough to understand their own stupidity

   There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.

   Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.

   getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter

   Feels sorry for K-9 drug sniffin dogs on their day off.....what do you mean we're not going to work....you don't understand mannnnn.

   at the current rate of the economy hookers are gonna be giving away toasters soon.

   If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

   I wonder if Tom Cruise is jumpin on the couch again since he's getting a divorce.

   in light of Anderson Cooper coming out....the reach around will now be known as the AC 360

   he gets his morals from the men's room wall.

   the economy is so bad, that hookers are now giving away toasters.