Zep Funny Status Messages

   Did you know? Its impossible to say “Good Eye Might” without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried.

   Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts, it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone.

   that mini heart attack when you think you've lost something.

   everyone has pretended to die infront their pets to see if they would do anything.

   how do beautiful people travel? Because they certainly don't appear to be using airports.

   A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

   if anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.

   If your plan A doesn't work, don't sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.

   Funny how they call it common sense when it seems so rare.

   Know what more people in this world need?????? Exit wounds.

   This milk is so far past it's expiration date I'm only gonna have a small slice.