Y.P Funny Status Messages

   at the supermarket dropping Cucumbers and KY Jelly into random peoples trolleys !!

   Our boss called the office together this morning to show us where all the plug sockets are. I hate power point presentations.....

   never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....

   I'm gonna get a #2 tattooed on my back... just so the person behind me knows what position their in !!!

   My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde.....I have now given up eating apples !!!!

   going to McDonald's for a salad like going to a brothel for a hug....

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   I was walkin past my neighbours white van that was covered in dirt ,someone had wrote on it, "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van." I just couldn't help myself from writing, " She is... When your at work

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   -- I lost my watch earlier, I would have looked for it but I just didn't have the time......

   I'm not saying my girlfriend is thick, but we had a gas leak and she put a bucket under it.....

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

   -- split up from the missus yesterday, I'm now very sad and upset. I had to go to work today with my clothes creased.....

   Ironically, it's really hard when you suffer from impotency

   Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

   i'm such a fabulous cook, even the smoke alarm is cheering me on!