Surhater Funny Status Messages

   I'ma punch Cap'n Crunch on the roof of his gums if I ever meet him .

   Who says I can`t cook? You obviously haven`t tasted my cereal !

   It was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

   I like hitting stuff to make it work. Makes me feel like the Fonz.

   Accidentally broke the window out of my neighbor's Accord while playing catch with my son and started it with a screwdriver out of habit.

   If you're skinny already why the heck are you trying to diet ? What are you trying to lose ? Your life ?

   " Your call is important to us followed by a 15 minute flute solo "

   Blonde girl tells her Blonde friend. I just f cked a " Brazilian " guy. She said " You Slut! How many is a Brazilian!?"

   If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.

   Y'all don't use paper plates. I'd use a paper pot if I could. F them dishes

   I will restart the entire song if you breathe too loud over my favorite part