Haha Funny Status Messages

   given your computer the Swine Flu Virus

   anything is possible with boobs

   I don't understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion

   D: What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea ? P: I don't know. D: I never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

   When we were kids my sister played with dolls and I played with soldiers. Now it's the other way round.

   Woman aks pharmacy clerk if they sold extra large comdoms. Clerk said yes, would like a pack? No she replied. But I'd like to wait here untill someone does.

   A study says we only use 12% of our brain. Just think how intelligent we would be if we used the other 70%.

   I'am a compulsive liar Everything I say is a lie And that is the truth.... "BELIEVE ME"

   Trump: Once stated in a speech "If you are innocent, why would you take the 5th amendnent." So he must think his lawyer Cohen is guilty.

   Trump said the Iran agreement was the worst deal ever...... Guess he forgot his $130,000 deal with Stormy

   "Almond milk will now be known as white stuff from nuts."

   A fifth of Jack will make any girl look sexy.

   To make perfect chilli only use 239 beans. If you add one more it willbe too farty.

   Why is it that Tampax advertisements always shows women ice skating, dancing or playing tennis. The only activity my wife partakes in at that time of the month is biting my head off.

   A weasel walks in a bar. Bartender says what ya have? Pop goes the weasel.

   Take the hint people...... Earbuds are a do not disturb sign.

   I'm not immauture....... I just know how to have fun.

   If meterorologist are people who studies the weather. Are people who study meteors weatherologist?

   If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?

   If you ordered the worlds largest box from Amazon what would they ship it in?