Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't understand the concept of a Freudian slip. It doesn't make any sex to me at all.

   A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing, but do a mother.

   Biggest lie ever: "I have read the terms of conditions"

   thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.

   President Obama is asking if they can build a statue of Manny Pacquiao to scare off Mexicans from crossing the US border!

   Now that Pacquiao's won another fight, everyone wants to see him go up against Floyd Mayweather. But we all know there's no 'money' cuz we're in a recession.

   the biggest thing on a woman's panties should be the tag!!!!!

   Why men should never take phone messages: "Your gyne colleges called. Your Pabst beer is OK. (I didn't know you liked beer!)"

   having dingy facial hair a requirement to be a boxer now?

   Just called in sick to work with Buck Fever.

   misses the days of Mystery Google.

   likes the fact that my boss is technologically handicapped. Now I have fed his number in the black list and he's off to get his phone repaired so that he can make calls to me.

   heard practice at Cowboy Stadium was delayed 2 hrs after a player reported finding a white powdery substance on the ground. After a complete analysis, Dallas CSI forensic experts determined the white substance, unfamiliar to the players, was the goal line

   As our lady of Disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor has always sung to us: I will survive!!!

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   wonders why hedgehogs don't just share the hedge...

   and, finally, what do you call a deer with no eyes? I-Have-No-I-Deer!

   Like a Kamikaze pilot, I stay fly till I die.

   predicts Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year.