Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate getting wet...it always makes little animals pop out of my bac!

   Ahhh,,, Confucius say...I know I had it in my hand a minute ago.

   How long does it take for an ejaculation to become mature?

   as of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".

   Betty Crocker likes to spoon?

   Its not that I'm not that into you. Its more that I'm not into you at all.

   A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine

   idiot noun \ˈi-dē-ət\ - One who disagrees with me

   Just for fun, I left a note of this guys car at Wal-Mart that said, "Sorry for backing into your car". That should keep him busy for a few minutes.

   Bought a dog that gives up chasing a cat after about 10 seconds. So I'm calling it Quits.

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.

   amazed what she can do with a broccoli, when she puts her mind to it.

   just asked a group of people for a lighter. They thought she was homeless, asking for money. She's wearing false lashes. When was the last time you saw a homeless person with false lashes?

   discovered today, that the man sitting next to her had wet himself.

   has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.

   may get her mink out tonight. It's time.

   a little puzzled, as to why she has eye-liner on her thigh...

   writes "like this", and not "lyk dis", because she is an adult, and because she is not stupid

   likes poetry, chocolate cake, and poking dead things with sticks.

   getting rid of his "facebook wall" for the new "facebook window". Instead of writing comments on my wall, now all you ladies can "put em' on the glass".