Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so, what are you going to be for halloween? well, I was thinking about being, well, intoxicated

   When I flush spiders down the toilet, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm simply letting them experience their own private Raging Waters.

   Please put this as your status if you know, or are related to, someone killed on Alderaan when it was obliterated by the Death Star. The Rebel Alliance wants to bring peace to the galaxy, but the Galactic Empire continues to kill innocent civilians. 93% w

   Seriously! It should be a lot harder to find people for the show 16 and Pregnant. . . Teens, maybe you should find a different hobby?

   (f*-*)f(f*-*)f(f*-*)f <<Thriiiller!!!

   I have no problem texting and driving. Now texting while walking downstairs, that stuff is dangerous!

   9 out of 10 guys likes girls with big boobs. The 10th guy likes the other 9 guys

   time for all the bloodsuckers to come out again...not Halloween...election time

   just kicked off of public transportation

   my girlfriend just popped in on trying on her bra's.. this would be a good time for me to shove a twix in my month

   so my xgirlfriend just caught me banging her sister, this is a good time for the kool-aid guy to jump through the wall

   Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...

   Buffalo wings? Are you insane? Those cows can't fly. It's a lie, I tell you

   Whoever invented calories is gonna get their face f***ed with ice cream cake.. .

   How much for the frog? No, that one.... No, THAT one. Goddammit, how much for the frog, that one with the tail?... Well excuse me! How much for the lizard then

   Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense

   What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me

   Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah

   I am tired of being an adult... Can't I just play all day!?

   Obama slogan went from " Yes We Can" to " Thought We Could".