Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They just put in a ban of trick or treaters 25 years of age or older... looks like my halloween plans are now changing

   how do you know you are at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like $h!t

   R.I.P. To my seamonkey Oscar~10-20-84 to 10-26-84. You are missed!

   Possible slogan for inferior Tampon Co. "We're not number one, but we're still up there!".

   What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? Boneless chicken

   thinking about trick or treating at the local brothel this Sunday. That way I can have both and don't have to choose.

   If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

   Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?

   Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

   maybe Lebron left his talents in South Beach.

   Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.

   the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.

   just getting jiggy with it!

   Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?

   All this 'get on my level' $hit seriously... get ya head out ya a$$, no one cares about your make believe levels of life.

   We already won, we already won, we get Lebron James, it's already done...NOT.

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.

   Dear Tummy , sorry for all the butterflies . Dear Pillow , sorry for all the tears . Dear Heart , sorry for all the damage . Dear Brain , you were right .

   watched several people 'ducking' while running through the rain tonight ... does that really help?

   Okay so who really has the boardwalk piece from McDonalds??