Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My parents used to tell me that if the ice cream man was playing his music it meant he had none left.....how cruel!!! and nmore-so why would he still drive into my street? just to taunt me!!??? I was an idiot child!!

   "Get off my lawn!" First native words spoken to Christopher Columbus.

   In other news, Farve says those texts and voicemails were intended to go to his wife. Jenn Sterger picked them off and took them to the house.

   Dear gas station owners, instead of selling condoms and novelty items in your restrooms, how about you sell toilet paper that doesn't make your butthole bleed? Just a thought.

   Happy " My you natives have some nice land...allow us to bring you diseases and steal it all from you" Day.........

   the accident that is causing you to be stuck in traffic this morning? It's Brooks Conrad's fault...

   How to get comments on facebook......oops I thought this was google

   I think Ben Roethlisberger got his hands on Brett Favre's phone??

   Facebook: making people think we really know their birth date

   Hey New York....Hide your lady's, Brett Farve is in town and he brought his iphone.

   I'd rather pump a soap dispenser a thousand times to get a trace amount of soap than spend the same amount of time refilling it.

   Over/Under - Brett Farve: 70 sexting messages to NY woman while in town.

   I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'................. You probably saw our posters.

   Old people tell the best stories.....

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   thank you facebook for remembering so many birthdays.

   Never kick a fresh terd on a hot day!

   I just saw a van that had two signs on it. One said "We Speak English" and the other one said "We Delivery".

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   I'm about as motivated as a Denny's employee.