santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   Oh! Oh! Oh!" ~Dyslexic Santa

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   Warning! If you get a link that says "Justin Barber sings Christmas carols" Don't open it! It's Justin Barber singing Christmas carols.

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If any of you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it.. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I'm gonna surprise my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Joe exotic was going to do a Christmas song, But he hates carols

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".

   The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!