Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I respect you so much I salute you with 1 finger!

   Wonder's how far you could kick a midget?

   What pisses you off more? The fact that I don't need you in my life...or that you can't have me in yours??

   Has once again found why murder should be legal.

   Thinks that you should've been swallowed at conception.

   If I offend you in any way, please let me know so I can do it again.

   Rejection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night.

   not really rude, she just says what everybody else is thinking.

   Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face so bad that you were willing to fight their whole family??

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   just depressed:( I mean come on, really who took my crayons?

   annoying you with status updates for her own entertainment.

   Just found out that I've been on double secret probation for quite sometime now.

   Sometimes I open the fridge and stare at the contents for no reason at all.

   NO officer, I did not hit her, I simply FIST pumped her face.

   The GOLDEN rule in my house is...IF it's funny your not in trouble.

   You can't force someone to love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people, "Alright, get in the basket."

   I feel a sin comin on....

   Don't you hate that moment when you think to yourself, why did I just say that?