abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.

   When did "wear something green" turn into "dress like an idiot?"

   plan for the day. 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2.figure the rest out later

   "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.

   At work, when you don't know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.

   It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.

   This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

   Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.

   I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!

   Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

   Don't think too much. You'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.

   My phone used to say things like "3 missed calls" and now it says things like "nobody even thought about calling you."

   We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

   To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.

   I lost my balance crawling into bed and leaned my head on the ceiling to prevent from falling over.

   Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don't block the view.

   just rescued some wine.. it was trapped in a bottle. I saved the day!

   Real men like curves; Only dogs like bones.

   Whose idea was it to "be an adult?"

   Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.