Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've got this amazing idea that I don't really understand and have no idea how to explain.

   I feel bad for the guy who smoked poison ivy during the trial and error phase of what will get you high, and what will kill you.

   She said "I think we should see other people." What I heard was "I already have a guy who's been on reserve for months."

   Facebook: Where poke is the new booty call.

   Women always worry about the things that men forget, men always worry about the things women remember.

   Do all your FACEBBOOK "friends" want to be your friend or just want to be snooping in your business??? Just sayin....

   Dear Week, You are not attractive and I am leaving you for Weekend... I'd say it wasn't you, and that it was me... But yeah, it was you...

   We should ask Mexico to be our 51st state. We'd have people to do the jobs we don't want to do and would get the jobs back they sent there. Plus, some great real estate!

   Look at your keyboard and I notice "U" & "I" are together... it's meant to be! Now look just beneath it... JK!

   NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE... even the word itself says "IM POSSIBLE."

   Don't make decisions when ur angry... and don't make promises when ur happy...

   99% of teens today would die if Facebook had an error and shut down. Make this your status if you'd be part of the 1% laughing! :)

   Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you've been screwed to get there.

   I will take a chance, I will Dance until the Day I Die, I will never look back.. Did I really need Katy Perry to tell me all that? No, But after watchin' her music video. I will dream like a teenager tonight."

   Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall--until I gave him a good, swift kick ;-)

   Love is a fire... But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

   I am a really nice guy. You know why? Because a woman stays in my mind, lives in my heart, and I've never asked her for the rent.

   I'm determined to conquer every obstacle, and make impossible possible. Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional.

   wonders why people fart and waste, when you can burp and taste....

   Real eyes realize real lies.