life Funny Status Messages

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   Freedom and Human rights are more significant in life compared to science, innovations, modernization, self-righteousness and bigotry... Happy Martin Luther King Day America

   I hate meeting super fine on Facebook but pugly in real life girls.

   I'm sorry, but any man who says his Wedding Day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA 12.

   Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”

   I hate that heart attack moment when you miss a step on the stairs. It makes you cherrish life there for a moment.

   The most best things in life can't be seen or touched....at least that's what the restraining order says.

   Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.

   getting stoned and trying to load the dishwasher is like real life Tetris.

   Attention Club Lonely... Keep posting those deep, philosophical, pseudo, life enriching quotes on your profiles. It tells the opposite sex what a day at the amusement park you are.

   The captain of the Costa Concordia is maintaining he only abandoned ship before the passengers because he tripped and fell in to a life boat. I find this very feasible as I once accidently tripped and my pen!s fell in to my wife's sister.

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   The government closed Megaupload and Piratebay.org might be next.. But life goes on.. We will always find a way.. Mark my words.

   Ladies, easy way to tell if a guy is married? Look into his eyes, if there is any sign of life left, he's single.

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" - Life

   Sending my regards to Seal. Hopefully, this won't scar him for life.

   Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here in Government first.

   I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!

   Declining a Facebook friend request is one of the finer moments in life.

   I can be doing all the right things and life still has a way of slapping me in the face..