Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   being investigated by Nancy Pelosi.

   I just read about a dyslexic cop being fired for operating an IUD checkpoint.

   you wanna know how to frustrate half the population in an instant?.... NEW facebook!!"

   still wants to know if everybody's still attending my Huge Orgy Party held on December 21, 2012 at my place?"

   I think instead of a Dislike Button, they should put a Spell Check Button!!

   A Brunette, A Blonde and a Man with Dandruff walk out of an Elevator, The Brunette says to the Blonde "Someone need's to give that guy some Head & Shoulders!" the Blonde asks "How do you give Shoulders?"

   Just found a real nice cardboard box outside my work... I think I'll quit my job and move in....

   Side note for the local weatherman if its 95° and feels like 105°.... then guess what dumbass?.. Its 105°

   anyone who says 'money can't buy happiness' has never been broke.

   about to give his doodle dandy a yankee

   It's not that I need a girlfirend its just that I was told I need some adult supervision. So getting a teenage sitters didn't qualify.

   lost my teddy bear.. Will you sleep with me?

   well in his defense.. You are only his step sister.

   I wouldn't feel too good about yourself... "inner beauty" is just a nice way of saying you're fat.

   She never lied to you. She promised to be your first and last... she just never said anything about all the others in between.

   Just face it.... 9 out of 10 of your facebook friends would never be your friend in real life.

   Putting the "i" in team since (insert your date of birth)

   anyone else noticed that the orbits girl in the commercial is different now? What happened to the original orbits girl?

   Just think of all the millions and millions of people Dr Laura will help by being off the air

   wonders if rappers know that Ben Franklin was never president of the USA.