Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   TikTok this. Good riddance.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

   It's every man's desire to have their butt kicked by a woman. I am living proof of that.

   Trump’s use of executive order to reinstate TikTok is nothing less than an abuse of power. Executive orders should be used judiciously.

   Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.

   I let a lot of stuff slide cause prison don't serve the food I like.

   The Inauguration attendees look they just got back from a Sunday morning Presbyterian Church service.

   The reason why I talk in my sleep is because my wife doesn't give me a chance when I'm awake.

   Drama Drama.

   Some days I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Other days I realize it's not just some days.

   So long DEI. So long fruit pickers. Thank you, 47.

   I'm very busy today. So if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me, that would be great. Thanks!

   I wish they made a KFC scented air freshener so my car wouldn’t smell like Taco Bell all the time.

   Had an outline tattoo done on my shoulder and when my friends are sad I let them colour it in Everyone needs a shoulder to crayon…

   In 2024 a leather ‘mosh pit diaper’ went on sale, aimed at adults who didn’t want wait in line for toilets at concerts. It sold out within 24 hours.

   I just had a cop knock on my door saying he was looking for a man with one eye. I told him to use both as he'd probably find him a lot quicker.

   Look at that, one day into office and Trump ended Global Warming

   Before we work on artificial intelligence, why don't we do something about natural stupidity?

   Life is like having a brazilian wax. The more times you have the carpet ripped out from under you, the less painful it gets.

   I think my cleaning people are stealing my paranoia medication.