Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some days I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

   Beyonce and Taylor Swift said they are sending their prayers to the fire victims in California. I feel like such a jerk. All I did was send them money.

   The LA fires are just nature's way of helping motivate those who claimed they'd move out of the country if Trump got elected.

   I've decided my 2025 will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month.

   You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign two miles ago like I did.

   Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that..

   Based on my life choices so far, my guardian angel lied on their resume.

   Welcome to Facebook. Please be patient - someone will disagree with you shortly.

   Just go, Brandon!

   Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

   who decided to call it a “paternity test” instead of a “pop quiz?”

   Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena

   There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm already doing 70 in a 35 zone. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

   SpaceX’s Starship rocket launched from Texas yesterday, women not familiar with spaceflight can relate. After liftoff it had lots of thrust, got up really fast! Then exploded minutes later.

   Beginning Monday, all you queerdos can go back in the closet.

   Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

   Taylor Swift on the News Again: “Breaking: Taylor Swift announces New Year’s resolution to release 12 albums in 2025. Swifties are now legally required to take out Taylor-themed mortgages.

   2024 Recap Fatigue: “Another ‘Top 10 TikTok Trends of 2024’ list just dropped. Spoiler: We’re all tired of them. Except that one trend… you know the one.

   Marked safe from the U.S. banning TikTok. Meanwhile, Canadians are over here wondering if we should just adopt your TikTok refugees

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!