Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6326 of 6408

Cocaine Bear seems kind of unbelievable. A bear that snorts coke would be a lot skinnier.
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02-10-2023 15:48
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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat
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02-11-2023 20:20
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HIS VALENTINES ... For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken
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02-11-2023 23:10
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Why do they keep interrupting the commercials with a football game
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02-12-2023 20:56 by Eddy
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If you're alone on Valentine's Day it's okay as you can love yourself enough do something nice for yourself like go out and buy your own candy and flowers, and trust me you're totally worth it!! Especially tomorrow at 80% off.
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02-14-2023 09:13
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I picked the wrong week to start my high altitude balloon tours
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02-14-2023 11:36
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I could blow up a balloon by myself (Haw! Haw!)
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02-14-2023 12:40
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All balloon rides are cancelled until further notice.
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02-14-2023 15:18
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generate ststus for my graphic design service on instagram
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02-15-2023 04:36
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Marking myself safe from getting pierced in the heart by the little chubby kid going around with bow and arrow.
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02-15-2023 08:01
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If you're single and ready to mingle after Valentine's day but not really sure where to meet someone, check out the candy clearance isle.
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02-15-2023 08:57
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Eggs are so expensive that I am eating steak, lobster, and caviar for breakfast now.
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02-17-2023 13:00 by Gil
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Horses get farted on more than any other animal.
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02-17-2023 17:37
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Marriage tip: When your wife is sitting in her chair, scrolling through Tiktok, just ask her why the house has not been cleaned up yet and why she is sitting there, like a bum, doing nothing!

A man and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of the river Jordan. When the man asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. The man shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."

I just saved a bundle on my heating bill by switching my thermostat off.
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02-20-2023 16:52
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I Love it when my pets sigh, like whats ails you my little freeloader 😄
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02-22-2023 08:38 by Jon
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My teacher told me "i think you have trouble comprehending words, so I said to her "i don't even know what that means"
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02-22-2023 15:01 by Luka
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Marriage tip: Your wife values honesty. So if your wife asks you if her best friend is prettier than her, just say "yes". Your wife will value and appreciate your opinion, and she will love you more for it.

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.
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02-23-2023 10:59 by Jon
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