Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6323 of 6408

Lady: How did you fix that horrible annoying noise my car was making? Auto Technician: We simply removed your Taylor Swift CD and replaced it with Van Halen. 😎
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01-24-2023 00:16
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Most of being an adult is whispering “f*ck this” while doing it anyway. 😏
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01-24-2023 00:17
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Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
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01-24-2023 00:18
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Every few years, you reevaluate your concept of old. 😉
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01-24-2023 00:18
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The only way I can catch errors in my messages, is to read them from my sent folder. 😏
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01-24-2023 00:19
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There is no cloud, it’s just someone else’s computer. 😐
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01-24-2023 00:20
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Not now, Sweetie. Mommy’s busy cyberbullying the mayor. 😁
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01-24-2023 00:21
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Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
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01-24-2023 00:21
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Not my proudest fap, but here we are. 😏
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01-24-2023 00:22
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When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:00. I couldn't wait to grow up so I could go to bed any time I wanted. That turned out to be about 9:00.
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01-25-2023 11:15
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ok, hypothetically, if I stop to smell the roses, will I have to bend down to smell the roses or are these roses already at nose height
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01-26-2023 03:32
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I remember when it was just limbo dancers asking “how low can you go?”, now it seems like everyone in the news wants to answer that.
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01-26-2023 03:34
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I told him to drive me crazy in the bedroom, so he put the window blinds at different heights.
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01-26-2023 03:37
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If I ran a swamp tour in DC there’d be a lot of people that wouldn’t make it back to the boat launch.
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01-26-2023 03:38
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My favorite yoga pose is downward facing in a bowl of mashed potatoes
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01-26-2023 03:50
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Accidentally played Pearl Jam and now every 40 year old white guy is sprinting towards my house
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01-26-2023 03:51
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I want an olive garden waiter shredding cheese over my corpse at my funeral and nobody say when
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01-26-2023 03:55
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I'll be baby sitting this Valentine's Day $150 per kid. (inbox me)
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01-26-2023 03:59
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Question, Can Happiness buy money?
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01-26-2023 04:01
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My wife got in the shower with me this morning. She said “Mmm baby I want you to do bad things to me. So I put shampoo in her eyes.
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01-26-2023 04:18
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