Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When it comes to jokes about elves, I'm a little short.

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small!" -Mrs. Grinch

   a few more minutes mom

   I wonder how was God able to find some wise men when most of us men don't even know how to stop and ask for directions when we're lost?

   Today France's defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War II record... not looking good.....

   I ordered my Biden deck of cards. But it's missing half the deck and the numbers are upside down.

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   User is suspected as gay. Please report any Suspicious activity to discord staff.

   No matter how old you may be, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to use to bonk someone over the head with.

   It's my birthday! I'm finally at that age where I can switch from health food to preservatives.

   Just got back from a Rocky Mountain Oyster Fest in Colorado. It was Nuts!

   Bring funny back

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   Do I need to watch the first two seasons of COVID to understand Season 3?

   Warning! If you get a link that says "Justin Barber sings Christmas carols" Don't open it! It's Justin Barber singing Christmas carols.

   If I’ve learned anything from the Kardashians it’s that I shouldn’t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.

   Don't regret past mistakes. Your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today. (Disregard this post if in prison)

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If any of you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it.. I'm still waiting on the test results.