Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6299 of 6410

California Girls but when you're being microwaved
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11-08-2022 03:13
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I think I turned back my clock way too far, yesterday I saw a guy with a mullet at Kmart .
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11-09-2022 06:15
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When people got too hammered in the 70s: “He’ll be alright, just needs to drive it off”
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11-09-2022 06:17
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One day I will peel open the plastic film on a yogurt container and not get sprayed in the face with yogurt juice. Today is not that day.
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11-09-2022 06:18
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i bet there’s a couple seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible
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11-09-2022 06:19
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Time for me to sign up for the hallmark channel for the next two months. there are a lot of white women in fur-lined parkas that I need to watch fall in love
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11-09-2022 06:20
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If you think your job is pointless, remember: There are people in Germany installing turn signals on BMWs.
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11-09-2022 07:38
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Every day around midnight, I'm shocked to find out it's only 6pm
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11-10-2022 08:01
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The Mets are moving the fences in to increase home runs they hit. Call me old fashioned but isn't that what steroids are for?"
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11-10-2022 08:07
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How can folks find time to protest and work a job too? Oh yeah, Welfare.
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11-10-2022 08:08
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Last night My wife and I had words but I never got to use mine.
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11-10-2022 08:09
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A man and woman in Idaho became the oldest couple in the world to divorce — they are both 98 years old. It was an ugly breakup too...... She found another woman’s teeth in their bedroom.
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11-10-2022 08:10
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My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says “declined” whenever you use it.
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11-11-2022 05:18
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It's beginning to feel a lot like, I'm gonna start wishing it was summer.
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11-14-2022 01:31 by Moon
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BBL payment plan is crazy. Now you workin yo ass off to pay yo ass off.
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11-15-2022 08:21 by Chop_liva
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BREAKING NEWS: Colts defeated the Raider’s last Sunday in Las Vegas but hold all tickets as Nevada has called for a recount of the score so game won’t be official for a couple weeks or so!
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11-16-2022 13:35
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Not to brag, but I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from last Thanksgiving.
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11-17-2022 05:56
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Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout.... I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
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11-17-2022 05:58
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Men, do not treat your woman like an object! It doesn't like that.
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11-17-2022 11:55
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If pigeons and chickens made a tribe would the be called the coo clucks clan ?
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11-19-2022 05:50
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