Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In the US, we call it "Alt Right" In Germany, the call it, "Why grandpapa lives in Argentina"

   Showing too much cleavage makes you look like an ass.

   Recent studies have shown that dogs don't actually have a fear of fireworks. Their reactions are based on their being upset at not being able to shoot off their own.

   Home Schooling question: Does having your kid fix you mixed drinks count as chemistry?

   Women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

   Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

   Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

   It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

   Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

   If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

   Was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

   Failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

   Went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

   Monkeypox is pronounced with the “k” silent.

   Don't worry if you lost money on crypto currency.. Just hoard baby formula and you'll make it all back

   I wish I had the time click like 135 times on my posts.

   I though brothels were only legal in Nevada, but I feel like I’m getting *ucked every time I get gas.

   Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

   Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven whilst I slumber in yon bedchamber.

   They say I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll just see about that.