Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never treat a Lady like an object, it hates that.

   Cat ~ I showed you my butthole, please respond.

   When a woman laughs during an argument, the psycho part of her brain has just been activated. Abort mission.

   Ladies, love your man like them bi!ches in your head do.

   If he drinks his whiskey straight, he’ll do that thing you like.

   Spell your crush’s name backwards ~ Dnufer Xat

   No one sees what you see, even if they see it too.

   Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don’t I?

   I will not to be outdone by Elon Musk....I'm announcing my Acquisition of "My Space" for $24.99...

   Dear Maytag: Why don't your clothes dryers have a Fold cycle? Come on. It's 2022 for chrissake. Work on that.

   Johnny Depp doesn't need to wear a mask in court because he has Heard immunity.

   The bird, the bird, the bird is the word!

   Bricks are just domesticated rocks

   I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My personality becomes disordered when illegals cross our borderline.

   I like my coffee how I like my magic.

   Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mother only carries one photo, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

   Elon Musk should be awarded the Gold Medal of Freedom.

   People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.

   Twitter employees are in a panicked full blown public meltdown.

   Ripping the little panties off a Reese’s is the most erotic thing you can do in your 50’s.