Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After watching the Oscars, I now get why cops do what they do.

   🎶 I got in one little fight and my mum got scared, 🎶 she said You can't slap Chris Rock because your wife has no hair.

   After two separate leg injuries to myself this evening, my lounge coffee table now identifies as Courtney Stubtoe-Ouch.

   So what you're saying is there won't actually be a remake of GI Jane?

   If Jada Smith can't take a joke over Alopecia then that's hair loss.

   Netflix set to air GI Jane, starring Jada and Will Smith.

   Maybe Will Smith thought Chris Rock was an alien?

   Will Smith told Chris Rock to keep his wife's name out of his GD mouth. (But her poosy would be okay.)

   I Love octopus. cooked right they are very tasty, Tried to cook one the other night and took me 5 hours. The sucker kept turning off the gas.

   My wife set an auto-reply to all my texts that just says “No.”

   Does anyone know if we can take showers yet? Or should we just keep washing our hands

   April Fools Day is coming up. Look for lots of articles about global warming.

   Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?

   Call 2 psychiatrists and tell them ur gonna put them on the phone with a guy who thinks he’s a psychiatrist. now put them in the same call.

   If Jada has a problem with jokes about alopecia, that's hair loss.

   It takes a lot of guts to be an organ donor.

   Imagine how screwed Chris Rock would have been if all the other guys banging Jada Pinkett rushed the stage too!

   I have a friebd that is both gay and lactose intolerant, I call him the non dairy queen

   michael jordan’s parents really named him after a shoe

   My first class ticket to the weekend never arrived, so I went couch.