santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I didn't have any girl to spoil for Christmas this year so my bank balance is looking healthy.

   It's tough watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with my dog because both us know he's never won a lights display contest...

   Justin Bieber Got a Freaking Jet for Christmas proving that there is no God or justice in this world we live in.

   The Christmas Day hacking of Playstation Network and Xbox Live forced gamers offline and kids to sit with their families for Christmas instead of locking themselves in their rooms. This had girlfriends, wives, and mothers whispering, "It's a Christmas Mi

   Now that Christmas shopping and madness is over, I'm expecting applications for potential girlfriends...

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   Stop blaming the holidays....you were fat in August!

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.

   You people can keep blaming your weight/waist or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself or others. I was fat in August!

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.

   Psst...if you wanna have a Christmas Baby...tonight is the night.

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.