Funny Status Messages

   Since we've all been out of work "Labor Day" and another chance to spread the Coronavirus have been cancelled.

   Bite me. Football starts next week and I'm watching it. 🐬

   The entire US government defrauds the country on a daily basis, yet there are people who freak out if they're sent a fake profile.

   [50 YEARS FROM NOW] Husband: *standing at my grave* I want you to know that after all these years I still can’t find where you put the ketchup in the fridge.

   The chips I’m eating are labeled “Harvest Cheddar,” a name which is forcing me to reconsider what I thought I knew about cheese production

   Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to fly a helicopter.

   The police got in a foot chase with a computer hacker. They didn’t catch him. He just ransomware.

   Y'all thought the summer was wild wait til everybody walking around with a hoodie and mask 😅 and it's dark at 5pm

   After scrolling social media, I wish COVID-19 was a computer virus that took out the worlds internet. It’d be a better world.

   Covering a beard with a face mask looks like a lady’s underwear commercial from 1972

   We need to go back to the days when every town only had one single, bumbling, sheriff who was constantly falling asleep while leaning back in a chair and forgetting that he’d left the town’s only jail cell unlocked

   Covid spelled backwards is divoc... As in where divoc is my beer?

   Police came to my house to tell me my dog chased someone on a bike. My dog doesn't even have a bike.

   Betting on the Kentucky Derby is like paying for a hooker. You drop a load of cash on two minutes of excitement.

   I don't have a horse running in the Derby but my money is on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

   I see the new iPhone 11 is coming out and if you'd like a sneak preview of it just take a look at your iPhone 10 and pretended it cost $750 less.

   Don't forget to wash your phone.

   Modern technology now has a camera with a shutter speed so fast, it can capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

   HAPPY PROCRASTINATION DAY! which was actually March 25th but I'm just getting around to it.

   How did I miss national procrastination day on March 25th? oh wait I know, I haven't been on facebook.