santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Due to hacking and terror threats, I'm canceling my Christmas film "Kim Jong merrily on high"!

   Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.

   You may remember me from such events as ruining Christmas dinner.

   My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

   To see my family over the holidays I have an appointment book. Just so there is no fender benders.......

   My friend is staying in a hotel on Christmas Eve, which sounds really depressing, but I bet Mary and Joseph would have killed for that.

   No Miley, Santa doesn’t have a "twerkshop"

   my mature level IS , I still giggle when singing about nuts in christmas carols

   My wife said she wanted a clean, fresh start in the new year. Merry Christmas babe, here's your Hoover.

   There will be no more need to worry about being on Santa's naughty list........Obama shut down the coal industry

   Today is the official day for guys to start Christmas shopping!!!!

   No thanks I am not drinking alcohol for now. I am saving myself for Christmas eve.

   This time of year there is always that one house that has like 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting at the North Pole with no survivors.

   Just wanted to wish happy holidays to engineers of the electricals. Your postt manage to survive!

   I think I'd rather be waterboarded than have to hear one more Xmas song.

   Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.

   Every time someone uses Xmas instead of Christmas a kitten gets punched in the balls.

   I start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, i'll be seeing six or seven.

   Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

   Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.