Baddie Funny Status Messages

   A ‘bad' woman is exciting and she's the kind of woman a man never gets tired of being around.

   unfortunately, my day dreams about being skinny are always interrupted with the sounds of my chewing.

   Getting your girlfriend to agree to try an@l is NOT made any easier when you tell her how willing your last girlfriend was.

   KEEP CALM. There is enough pu$$y in the world for everyone, even for lesbians too.

   I saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it so special is the fact that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on some stripper's ass.

   My girlfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because she doesn't exist.

   Guys, it is true. Size DOES matter. When have you ever been satisfied after she brings you a small sandwich?

   Suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What should Justin Bieber's next career move be?"

   The most common phrase in China: "Hey! You look familiar!"

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   How bad must the rest of the sperm be if the one with Downs Syndrome wins the race?

   Never treat a slut like a girlfriend, let some other dumb guys do that.

   Mayweather is a Legend. Its just a shame he practices on his girlfriend and kids.

   I always keep a bottle of champagne and a large cigar under my side of the bed............. Just in case the wife stops breathing.

   Husband during anniversary dinner, "I love you so much, let's go do it in the alley. I'll give you $30."

   Ellen DeGeneres would make an amazing Crocodile Dundee.

   Boy, pregnant women don't like to be called "b!tches" at ALL!

   That woman's husband on the cover of TIME looks awfully young.

   I'm sure I have annoying habits as well but lately my wife is doing this thing where she ages.

   Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.