Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every Morning I wake up and think, "Don't let it slip about Darth Vader being Luke's Dad." It's hard having a 5 year old who doesn't KNOW.

   So many input boxes. Ever go to search for a girl on facebook and set her name as your status instead? Me either."

   Trust me.. You DO NOT want to see how a Sausage Fest is Made!"

   after picking up and bringing home literally hundreds of women at bars over the years, I can tell you this: I'll never drive a cab again."

   Google and Me, it's like we finish eachother's sentences."

   Deja Vuvuzela - I think I've heard this buzz before....

   What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? Hey, we really DO taste like chicken!!

   Men are good for two things and two things only... Going down on you and taking out the trash... And even then the only thing that seems to be done properly is taking out the trash

   wisdom comes with age , but sometimes age comes alone!!!

   everyday I worry my friends are going to find out that I am not so witty and funny and the status wall will come crumbling down

   Wow Mel Gibson....did you really make 'Passion of the Christ' with that mouth and attitude...typical "holier than though" abusive man

   I'm free of prejudices! I hate everyone equally :-)

   Guys have two heads. They cannot use them both at the same time!

   needs sum fuggin bug spray now!!! a flame thrower would b nice to hav also.....

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   These days a little bragging by saying, "I'm the bomb!!" might cause a stampede

   "Do you have faceboook?" ... "no but I have a myspace!" ... ummm 'we dont speak the same language'

   is wondering if there is such a thing called the "Whine" Flu ? If so I am pretty sure some of my FB friends have it......

   Canada has never made and weapons of mass destruction. We don't need them. Canada has poutine and Justin Beiber. If we make our enemies eat poutine and listen to some Beiber cds, we'll do more damage to thier arteries and eardrums than WMD's ever could.

   If time travel were possible, my future self would've put a stop to that one girl from making those horrible songs. You know who I'm talking about, that Justin Beiber chick...