Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.

   it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?

   We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are

   I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

   I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

   Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.

   I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.

   She wanted to be friends with benefits, but I said no because she didn't offer dental.

   No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.

   OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.

   The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.

   I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.

   Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome

   I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.

   not feeling so good I got chocolate wasted last night.

   all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN

   once told that girls are like a good pair of shoes... you have to break them in!

   Remember when TV was free?

   Remember the time when Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles. Super Nintendo, Sega Genisis, the ORIGINAL Nickelodeon, Saturday morning cartoons. and recess made you a real kid back then.

   Everything is better in slow motion!!