New Year, New Me Yeah, Right Moment: I thought I'd start wearing glasses to appear somewhat intellectual. No one's buying it though. They all say the same thing, "Uh sir, there's no glass in those frames."
Just cleaned out my friends list and for the first time in my life I finally know what they meant in Auld Lang Syne when they wrote "Should old acquaintances be forgot, and never brought to mind"
Ever want to say I Don’t Know, without sounding stupid? Say this instead: I hesitate to articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy.
If you elect a president who had the nerve to fire Lil Jon in Celebrity Apprentice season 4, episode 12, you should have anticipated his disastrous foreign policy.
If you're starting off the New Year single looking for a significant other, forgot dating websites, forget clubs and bars and go mingle in the freezer section or down the cat food isle.