Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Home is where I want to be. The only place that feels like me. World outside just melts away. Relax unwind wrap up the day. Where I spend the night and start the day.

   Do you think many people look at others facebook's and judge them off what they see or what was said, I dont because thatd be pathetic. But if youre out there, hi. :)

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   girlfriends always want to have long talks. I say fine, lets talk.."I hate your friends, you're always hurt, and I'm always tired of paying for meals you only eat a third of...we done?"

   how can I possibly be expected to tolerate living with the gender that doesn't know a thing about the spread offense.

   leather good's maker Louis Vuitton rejecting Lindsay Lohan's request for logo embroidered muzzle ; whips & fanny pack

   the only thing women truely love is making their friends jealous

   Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

   You have enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something.

   Lindsay Lohan has taken to writing on her nails which can mean only one thing. She's hopeing to be Sarah Palin's running mate.

   I always poop on a regular basis, so I'm not sure what this "Activia Challenge" is going to accomplish. It could unleash horrors the likes of which mankind has never witnessed. See you on the other side...

   I am definitely not a morning person. Unfortunately, my daughter is....and she hates the taste of NyQuil.

   May is National Procrastination Awareness Month.

   Six different television shows about cake and not a single one about milk. I sense opportunity!

   Why was the spork necessary? Thoughts?

   Expired milk in my fridge: Do I throw it out or wait until it's delicious cheese?

   you better like this status or I'll post a old picture of you and really get some laughs

   does not care where LeBron is going

   that serial killer Raoul Moat has shot and killed 3 people now, One more kill and he'll get a care package, then we're really f**ked.

   You know it's gonna be a long day when you're at DD drive-thru, getting aggrevated that it's taking so long for some to take your order, only to realize that you're waiting in front of the trash barrel..